As I was scrolling through TikTok during my lunch break, I came across a video of a young woman saying she wished someone had warned her before entering corporate America that she would be bullied by older women in the office.
The video gave me pause, one, because that experience happened to me at my first full-time job out of college with my female boss, and two, because it made me feel deep sadness that this trend lives on, so much so that there are now dozens, if not hundreds, of videos of young women sharing experiences with this “mean girl” mentality in the workplace from their older colleagues.
Gender inequality sustains itself by continuing to pit women against one another and inflaming women and girls with insecurities – from how they look, to what they say, to if they are married or not, to how many kids they have, the list goes on and on.
This scarcity mindset, combined with feelings of insecurity or inadequacy, is what can lead to this “crab in a bucket” phenomenon with women at work. If another woman is perceived to have something you don’t have, the instinct is to tear her down, in little or big ways, rather than support her.
Men have a role to play here too, and this is by no means a women-only problem, but let’s address what we can do to support one another better at work (and elsewhere). Because we can’t expect men to be allies to women if we aren’t allies to each other.
I’m reading Yesteryear right now – yes, that book, the one everyone and their mothers have been talking about this year. Despite the obvious ties to Utah’s own pioneer woman, which makes the book appealing, what sticks out to me is the debate around different types of “womanhood” and which forms are better or worse. The “girl boss” vs. “trad wife” rivalry that women across the country are reckoning with right now.
What I’m taking away from the book is that women’s values are more similar than they are different: feeling safe, finding security, building community and having purpose in our lives. And when they are different, we must accept one another for our differences and not demonize each other.
What can we do to support one another when the world is trying to divide us?
We have to address jealousy. We’ve all felt it, and we’ve all been the recipient of it. The millennial influencer Tinx frequently shares the Teddy Roosevelt quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” She advises acknowledging jealousy, rather than acting on it. Instead, focus on gratitude for your own life, and realize that you can’t pick and choose the pieces of someone’s life you want. If you were to trade lives, you would have to take the good and bad that comes with it, and everyone has hardships that we don’t see below the surface.
Let me share an example. I went to a women’s college in New York City. I was surrounded by women of every religion, background, ethnicity, race, etc. who were all smart, ambitious and interesting. College was a time when I was surrounded by more women who were beautiful on the inside and outside than ever before.Honestly, I’ve never been around so many women who were beautiful on the inside and out as I was in college.
There are two ways I could have responded to this type of environment:
1) Tell myself that I am not enough, I don’t belong here and that I’m not as good as everyone around me. Then let my insecurity and jealousy take over, hurting my relationships, my growth and my potential in the process.
2) Embrace this unique experience with open arms. Learn from other women, be inspired by them, collaborate with them, debate them (respectfully, of course) and most importantly, cheer them on.
Surprise, surprise, I chose the latter, and from my early 20s onward, I’ve focused on surrounding myself with other women who have qualities, skills or resources that I don’t have because they push ME to be better. I turned jealousy into awe.
As you move forward in your career, approach other women with empathy, understanding and admiration in both professional and personal settings, because being around greatness can, in fact, make you great. And if you feel jealousy rearing its ugly head, tell her to take a nap and write in your gratitude journal instead.
About Emily Griesing, Owner and Chief Strategy Officer, Bossible
Emily Griesing is a brand strategist, entrepreneur and marketing business development expert. The Owner & Chief Strategy Officer of Bossible, Emily empowers clients to own their story, show up with confidence and build a brand that feels true to who they are. Through strategy, storytelling and execution, Bossible turns expertise into visibility, and visibility into growth.
Emily supports established businesses, start-ups, nonprofits, entrepreneurs and professionals across industries, offering actionable insights to amplify their unique offerings and seize growth opportunities. Previously, Emily worked in market research, consulting the Fortune 500 and large nonprofits on solving their organizational challenges and expanding their offerings, as well as conducted research on improving maternal and child health outcomes. An advocate for women and diverse voices, Emily serves on the Business Women’s Forum Steering Committee for the Salt Lake Chamber and the development committee for YWCA. She also received the DEI Honor Roll by Women’s Business Center East and was listed as a NextGen to Watch by PwC.
Emily is also a sought-after voice on brand strategy, marketing, business development, corporate culture and entrepreneurship, penning articles, public speaking and leading workshops for companies and trade organizations nationwide, sharing valuable tips and lessons learned throughout her career. Emily has spoken at the Event Professionals Network Leadership Summit, University of Utah, Drexel University, PayPal Small Business Roundtable, Women’s Business Enterprise Center, Women’s Presidents’ Organization, National Association of Women Business Owners, Legal Marketing Association and more.
*Any reference obtained from this blog to a specific initiative, issue or topic does not constitute or imply an endorsement by the Salt Lake Chamber. The views and opinions expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect those of the Salt Lake Chamber.
